RIE Principle #4: Freedom to explore child-child interaction

“The freedom to explore and interact with other infants is something that we cherish at RIE. It’s surprising how much they really enjoy being together. It starts off – they just gaze at one another and then you might see a smile, and then they reach out and they touch and it’s just magical. And sometimes they make mistakes. Little babies might be interested in the other child’s eyes and maybe start to poke a finger, and so it’s important to be there to intervene if necessary, but you don’t want to give them the idea that there’s anything wrong with wanting to touch and interact with the other child because that is so central to their humanity.

Getting in touch with the other person in that way, that brings on curiosity and interest and wonder. We want to support that, and that’s what we do at RIE. There was a brand new class of infants at the stage of crawling, and they had not been with other infants ever before, and you could tell that they were so amazed that there were other people their size! And I’ll never forget Theodore crawling up to Georgia and kissing her, and she went back for a second kiss. Being together is important for adults, but it’s also really important for even babies.”

1. Provide a familiar, safe place and consistent routine. “Familiarity may breed contempt in adults, but for [children] it is the key to comfort. Knowing what to expect — the usual time, place, and people give a [child] the freedom he needs to explore, engage and participate with confidence. The space should be…fully childproofed so that the children do not have to be observed every second.”
2. Group children of a similar age or stage of development. “[Child] groups are most productive when the children are within a few months of age, or at a similar stage of development. The [children] can then interact most freely and safely with a minimum of interruptions.”
3. Carers remain calm and observant. “Parents [at playgroups] are advised to sit, relax, and exude confidence and trust. [Children] are tuned in to our emotional energy and will feel tense or unsure if we do. We should allow the [children] plenty of free space, with one parent staying a bit closer to the action to intervene if necessary. Play time provides a wonderful opportunity for [the children] to initiate separation [from the parents]. They appreciate the independence they feel when they get to choose when to leave the parent’s side. They then signal a need to return to the secure base the parent provides by crying (if they are not mobile yet) creeping, crawling or walking towards them.Be sure to have at least one 10-15 minute period in which parents quietly observe the children. A peaceful atmosphere is less distracting for [children], especially the more sensitive ones who may stay next to their parents, overwhelmed when everyone is talking. This quiet observation period is when parents learn where their children’s interests lie and what they are working on. And it’s usually when magical moments between children occur.”
4. Intervene only selectively and model gentleness for the children. “The [children] should be observed by a calm parent “facilitator” sitting nearby and allowed to touch each other, but stopped before they hit, pull hair, push, or otherwise hurt one another. Our instinct may be to rush in and move the “instigator’s” hand away abruptly, but if we want gentle children, we are wise to model gentle behavior. Infant expert Magda Gerber taught parents to lightly stroke the side of an infant’s head and softly say, “Gentle” to both babies when we intervene.Older toddlers usually know we want them to be gentle but may choose to test out something less so. In that case, the observant facilitator tries to anticipate, blocking the hit with her hand and saying calmly, but firmly, “I won’t let you hit (push, etc.)” Occasionally, a toddler is having a difficult day, needs shadowing and lots of firm, but matter-of-fact, non-judgmental intervention until he either relinquishes the need to test, or needs his parent to take him home.
5. “Sportscasting. When a [child] is struggling, whether it is with the workings of his body, a toy or another [child], he is comforted in his situation being acknowledged and understood. “Sportscasting” is the term Magda Gerber used to describe the helpful, non-judgmental account adults are advised to give of their children’s play-by-play. “Ruby, you wanted that. Now George has it. Ruby took it back.” It is especially reassuring for a child to be acknowledged when he is upset — it seems to help him process the feelings and move on. “Sally brushed by you and it bothered you. I saw that. You’re upset.”But there are many more positive, precious moments in safe [child] play dates than difficult ones. [Children] are energized, entertained and educated by their peers. They imitate each other’s activities and vocalizations and take great interest in every interaction.”

It is a joy to behold these interactions and important to take the contents of this post to heart so that we can encourage each child’s social development without hindering them through our own interventions.